After a recent viewing of a Taco Bell commercial where beautiful young women put Taco Bell Bacon Chalupa Clubs in their handbags to bait men, I could not help but wonder what is it with these guys in Taco Bell Town that aren’t attracted to Perfect 10 bodies, flowing silky hair, and gorgeous faces but rather to stale cured pork belly. But even more I wondered – what is in these gigantic handbags that flood the bar each weekend? For the most part – all one needs is an ID and a credit card, two small items that will fit snugly in a myriad of places: a pocket, the side of a bra, or inside one’s shoe. Most of these handbags are large enough to house a bowling ball, a Chihuahua, and a copy of Ken Follet’s Pillars of the Earth.
So what is in these bags? My x-ray vision unfortunately comes and goes, but since it seems to only come tacked between the dream where the restaurant is going down in flames and one guy just wants some ketchup and the other dream where I show up to work naked – I decided it would just be easier to ask. Surprisingly, most women didn’t know what they were toting around. But once they started digging, the goods got ever interesting: beef jerky, men’s cotton underwear, rolling papers, a stapler, staples, a screwdriver, hot sauce, a hair straightener, numerous eye lash curlers, parking tickets, every size and shape of tampon imaginable, books, condoms, hand sanitizer, and in one case – another purse.
In a world where summer shorts barely cover the buttocks and summer tank tops allow for plenty of cleavage – it is the one last secret of the girl. And for that, I’d like to cheers the little black bag of, “It’s really none of your business.”
Bacon Bloody Mary
2 ounces of bacon-infused vodka
4 ounces of your favorite bloody mix
- Columbine Quillen
I am a mixologist bartender and this is my blog.