There are those who go to the bar to make a match.  Typically the man will spout witty one-liners and buy his love interest fancy cocktails while she smiles and coos while twirling her hair.  It is sweet and innocent and endearing to see two people connect -even when they are their most awkward.

But on rare occasion there is a train wreck happening on the other side of the bar, so horrendous that you are afraid to watch – but you do to ensure the safety of those involved.  It is the ménage à trois.  A troubling bout of human ingenuity typically involving one douche bag of a man and two writhing women who need more attention than a newborn baby.  It never fails that the beginning of their evening will be spent laughing and having a jolly time, but as the witching hour approaches to that daunting moment to where they all take off their clothes and hang out together in one queen-sized bed, the tension thickens. It is at this point that the barbaric sexual innuendos cause each person’s insecurities to fume into outbursts of emotion that are unscrupulous and embarrassing.

At the point when you have publicly announced to the world that you are going home with two people, there really isn’t anything that you consider poor behavior. Taking turns making out will pursue, titties will be exposed, and little moans and grunts will be exhaled.  It is only when the bartender tells you that the corner freak show needs to stop and find a new home that the magic ends and the realization that you hate for one person to see you stretch marks occurs – but now you’ve committed yourself to two.

Ménage à Trois

1 oz fresh lime

1 oz ginger syrup

1.5 oz Hangar One Kaffir Lime Vodka

.5 oz Hypnotic

As Obama sweeps the country with hope and transformation, might there also be change in what is perhaps the most obnoxious way that girls garner attention at the bar – the girl-on-girl make out session? Yes, we have all seen it. Some drunk girl notices that no men have lavished any attention on her so she grabs her best friend by the face and forces her tongue down the back of her throat. Her friend (no stranger to the game) sloppily kisses back never failing to run her hands through her friends hair and to let out some sort of I-once-watched-a-porno moan.
Don’t get me wrong, they want attention and it never fails. However, the girl-on-girl kiss is stale and old. With a metamorphosis in regime and hope to make the world a better place, might we move forward from this frat party charade to something more interesting or meaningful?
How about a spin on the girl-on-girl kiss where girls with tongue piercings wear highly magnetized tongue rings. It will be a real battle of tongue strength to see who can get their tongue untied while smooching. Some girls will have tongue rings with opposing magnets, so no matter how much they want to make out their tongues will be forced away from one another in a wicked display of willpower.
Or the girl can just get naked. Why involve anyone else when you can get all the attention yourself? Typically singing, dancing, or doing yoga while you are nude will add to the fun and assure that you get even more attention. Furthermore, no one will ever be confused if they should be interested in you or your friend – there is no doubt that everybody will be fascinated by you and no one else.
Last but not least, the girl can also read a book or magazine and conjure up some conversation with the guy she has a crush on. Perhaps the most difficult of the methods, but it assures the best results. Furthermore, you will be saved from being made the fool and the boy you like might actually call you the next day knowing that you are not a trampy whore when you happen to get a teeny bit drunk and want a little male attention.

The Tramp
1 oz cheap vodka
1 oz redbull

Add a dash of food coloring to color your shot to give it more personality.