I along with many have experienced the worst of the worst this allergy season. One day I was frolicking about allowing the sun to make my golden tresses blonder, my pale skin bronzier, and my deranged spirit lighter. And then, mysteriously I couldn’t breathe with a nasty case of bronchitis and a headache that felt like a dentist had jabbed a syringe of Novocain below my right ear. There was no doubt that a little hit of Advil Cold & Sinus would allow me to smile while telling people about the soup de jour.
As I sniffled my way through the pill aisle at Freddies, my beloved tablet wasn’t there. They were just out I assumed, so I immediately ordered online to find they couldn’t be shipped to Oregon. Yes that’s right, thanks to this state’s abundance of meth producers my only chance of not blowing snot bubbles while setting down someone’s tenderloin was blown.
It’s one of those times that made me feel old, as in my college days ephedrine was on every gas station counter, the bright blue and red Mini Thin label screaming out to me – eat me I’m so much fun with a margarita. Or eat twelve of me and you could write two term papers, take a ten-mile run, and scrub all your floors with a toothbrush and still feel fresh, with the exception of my heart beating 132 beats per minute.
Unfortunately, I have found Claritin and Zyrtec to be of little help and my mother has insisted that sending me a box will ensure her a spot in federal prison for drug trafficking so I have no choice but to hunt down a meth lab to get two measly allergy pills. As my lovely but overprotective mother forewarns me constantly – alcohol and pills don’t mix, so may I offer you this mocktini perfect for allergy season.
The Be Better Bloody
3 oz tomato juice
1.5 oz Worchester
.5 oz lemon juice
a pinch celery salt
1 oz olive brine
1 teaspoon horseradish and a couple shakes of Tabasco